sometimes.

being a self concious college student
i sometimes wonder,

what others would think of me?
would my shirt make me look boring?
does my hair make me look dirty?
was what i said very rude?
does she find me attractive?
am i too short?

and i know for sure, no one is going to give you an answer that will make you perfectly content.
and i am so sick of asking these questions.


sometimes, i wish i suddenly disappeared then look down and see how big of an empty space
i would leave on this world.


now this has brought forth a chain thought,
would i have to start making myself look better?
should i donate, sacrifice and be a hypocrite?
does what other people say, see and do matter?


what really, truly, matters in the end?


i dont know. sometimes i wish it just lays out in front of me.
keeping it 'real' is naive and being sophiscated is too troublesome.


i just wanna lie down on a grove
under a big willow tree
and watch the clouds pass by,
alone,
and
forever.